Monday, December 14, 2009

"On First Looking into Dirk's Bounce"

"Much have I traveled in the arenas of gold
And many goodly squads and kingdoms seen;
Round many western conferences teams have been
Which bards in fealty to Dirk’s bounce
Oft of one high expanse had I been told
That deep-browed German ruled as his demesne;
Yet did I never breathe as pure serene
Till I heard Twitter speak out loud and bold
Then felt like I some watcher of the skies
When a new planet swims into his ken;
When like stout Duncan when with robotic eyes
He star’d at the Maverick – and all his men
Look’d at each other with a wild surmise –
Silent, upon a tight rope in a Dirkus Circus."

-J.E. sKeats of The Basketball Jones

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Rambling, thoughts and brain farts

Its been awhile. Probably too long. See I actually have a job that involves sports writing (shocking I know. You probably thought I was banking with this blog) and that's taken some time. I also have class, which really sucks to write out because it sounds really unprofessional. How many readers would click out of Bill Simmons page on if he posted about having class slum down his writing? Probably a lot.

Since its 12:30 a.m. according to my Mac (but the pretentious bastards probably could have reset their clocks to Steve Jobbs master timer in his castle) I'll make this the worst blog post as I spout random thoughts.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Cowboys 20, Eagles 16: Bartender? Kool-Aid, and Keep 'Em Coming

As Ron Burgundy once said, "Drink it in, it always goes down smooth."

Even if the drink is Cowboy Kool-Aid.

I know that in the past that Kool-Aid can come rumbling back up the gullet like expired prune juice, but you have to admit, that first sip is always delicious.

And guess what? I've ordered myself a shot. In fact, drinks are on me! A round for Cowboy nation.

I have been converted. I have picked against the Cowboys in every game except for Denver this season including last night. Not anymore. That doesn't mean I will pick the Cowboys to finish 14-2, but it does mean I have faith. I believe the Cowboys are not only a good team, but a great team. Maybe not the best in the NFC...yet. But they have more than a fighting chance to scrape by against the Viks and Saints.

Let's dive into the best Cowboy win in the last two years.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Well That Sucked

First off, let the record show that I, Josh Bowe, did not rage once during the entire Mavs telecast. I instead directed my anger towards my twitter and it worked wonders. No thrown controllers, remotes or broken TV's. No noise complaints. I am very pleased.

What's funny is that reading facebook statuses is like reading someone's IQ test. It opens your eyes to who's really dumb, who's sorta got a grasp on life, and who's a whore (facebook ftw).

So as I read "MAVS SUCK RAWR I HATE MAVS THEY STINK 0-82" about 32123098 times I realized there's a reason I want to do this for a living and some people want to be doctor's or interior designers. Or ditch diggers and hookers.

Now most bloggers and writers gushed that the Mavs ceiling is very high. But they also sort of threw in a nitpick - this team could crash and burn.

We could get Miami/Toronto Marion and not Suns Marion
We could get an even worse defensively J-Kidd
We could see Terry's decline from the playoffs continue
We could see Gooden being a knucklehead
We could see Dirk doing the 1-on-5 offense
We could see Q-Ross being bad...oh wait that was going to happen regardless*

So take what you will from the Mavs season opener. Pray that Josh Howard will be back soon, and realize that Dirk and Terry are the only real shooters in the rotation...let that sink in and then you'll realize that this team will stink on offense some nights when the ball isn't moving and we shoot over 15 threes a game. This team should NEVER shoot more than 15 3's a game. It's basketball blasphemy.

*I will be taking shots at Quinton Ross all season long, regardless of if he averages 35 ppg, wins an MVP, and marries Marissa Miller.

Wait, Ross was one of two Mavs last night to post a positive +/-?!?!

So much for not breaking any remotes.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

The Worst NBA/Dallas Mavericks Preview 2009-2010 Edition

Yep, the NBA starts tomorrow. Wait, it starts tonight? Guess I should preview it huh? Sounds good.

If you've been reading NBA previews on the various blogs and sites this month, nothing here will truly surprise you, especially about the Mavericks. There isn't much more to be said that hasn't already been said by people way smarter than me.

So instead of crunch the numbers and look at stats, I'm just going to sit at my desk and crunch this baby out going on pure guts, emotions and my superior intelligence. First we'll look closely at the Mavs, then the league in general.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Kris Humphries Will Make You Forget Brandon Bass was Ever a Maverick

You see that guy up there? Wait, correction...see that MAN up there?

He's a man's man. It's written all over that picture. See it? It's all over it. This is a manly man. The kind of man that invented the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn. That's the kind of man he is. You're just a person with a small brain, a brain a third the size of his. It's science. He also owns suits that would make Frank Sinatra look like a hobo.

His name is Kris Humphries, and he spells it Kris because he can do whatever the #@$% he wants. Go ahead, try to tell him it's spelled "Chris." He'll eat your babies even if you don't have any.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Cowboys 26, Chiefs 20: Keep Austin Weird (Or at Least in the Lineup)

Drew Pearson, Bob Hayes, Michael Irvin...Miles Austin?

Never Austin's name would ever be placed in even the same breath as former great Cowboy wide outs, and as everyone's favorite annoying football analyst says, that's why they play the games.

Most receiving yards by a Cowboy in a regular season game ever. He will forever be remembered in the record books for a truly spectacular game (even more so because almost all of his yards were after the catch).

I don't really know where to start after Austin. I guess since this game was so poorly played and ugly that's how this wrap up will look. Just going to jot down the random thoughts I had about this game.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Randon Youtube Awesomeness: Dirk Dominates Portland in Game 7 of 2003 Playoffs

I have a confession. This is probably my favorite Maverick team. I know, I know, we had the 67 win team in '06-'07 and of course the Finals team in 2006. But this was the first year my Dad had season tickets to the Mavericks and at the time I had no idea who any of them where (shocker right?) I honestly remember asking him who the tall dude with long hair was during my first preseason game. Wow, I know. So by April of 2003 I was all geared up and nerded out for my first NBA Playoffs. I fell in love with the game over the course of 2002-2003 mainly because this team was just so much fun to watch. All the scoring, running and gunning was a sight for sore eyes. What makes this even more special besides the fact that I was there was that Dirk played bloody awful in game 6. And then he did this in game 7:

Man. What's more amazing than his performance was just how wide open most of his looks were. Really Portland? You didn't see this coming? You thought game 6 was a tell-tale sign of things to come from the Uberman? Well you thought WRONG.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Cowboys 31, Giants 33: Going in the Exact Opposite Direction

Whew. It's over. Jerryworld has been shown off to a national audience and the Cowboys flexed their muscles in a win...oh wait. Whoops, I was writing the story Jerry wanted to see. Too bad it doesn't work out like that.

I didn't write a prediction post like I said (shame on me) but I said out loud and to people this would be a tight game in which the Giants pounded the rock, controlled the clock and keep the ball away just long enough to preserve a 21-17 victory. Brandon Jacobs would haunt Cowboys fans, and more questions would arise about the run defense as Romo and the offense did what they could.

Boy, I was flat out wrong. Like completely wrong.

Do you want to go over the numbers? Because they're pretty ugly. And everyone can look at numbers. My job is to be insightful, funny and amusing. But it's hard to be funny after a loss like that. So many questions answered but so many more cropped up. Let's run them down

Mobile Blogging FTW!

Howdy yall (god im so Texan)

Just wanted to update and say that I've downloaded a new blogging app on my G1. So now I have absolutely no reason to not upate. Expect a Rangers report and a Cowboys prediction tomorrow.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Random Youtube Awesomeness: Josh Howard Nut Job

I spend a lot of the day on Youtube. So I decided why not share some of that wholesome youtube goodness with my readers? I'll try hard to keep them of the sports variety, and even try to keep it DFW oriented. But what the hell.

This clip will always make me laugh. There must be some part of the human brain that associates "hitting in the balls" with humor. I mean look at Howard's face! Classic! Not to mention this is an unexpected hit in the balls caught on national television during one of the most important games in Mavericks history. Well done Avery.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Rangers Swan Song

S-T/Kelley Chinn

Dear Rangers,

Thank you for such an awesome season. I've had a lot of fun watching you grow and mature (and kick ass) this season. Unfortunately you decided to compulsively crap yourself at the worst opportune time. I will look forward to 2010 with baited breath, and a little optimism.

Josh Bowe

Oh wait too soon? Sorry I just watched another no-name, mediocre at best pitcher shut down what is supposed to be a potent lineup. I think this is long overdue, but its time to stop hiding it: The Rangers offense is bad. It isn't slumping. I think we need to generally except that the way the players are playing is an indication of their real talent level.

Kinsler? Don't expect another season with his batting average above .300. It's almost impossible with his mechanics, despite his freakishly fast hands. He uses an uppercut swing, which gives him chances for 30 home runs but also lowers his batting average by hitting shallow fly balls on low pitches.

Hamilton? Look last season was magical. And there's the key word magical. It was a once in a lifetime season. He has a semi mulligan with being hurt for most of the season, and I think that's why when he was on that hot streak in August he was hitting all singles. I just don't think he had the strength to drive the ball. He can redeem himself next season, but the problem is that's next season. A September 2009 redemption would of been nice.

It's a frustrating time for die-hard Ranger fans. All the fair weather fans have switched their tuners to the Cowboys, and the attendance shows it. It's football season and it's a damn shame that 75% of the metroplex sports fans are going to ignore that best team the Rangers have had since 1999.

Unfortunately, it wasn't enough.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Long Time No See

Sorry guys, but with school work and my actual sportswriting job (shameless plug) I haven't had time to write on here. But rest assured change is coming. And it's gonna hurt. Or go down smooth, it's up to you.

As I watch the Rangers gutless performance, and watch the worst double-header in the history of MNF openers (but the Bills tried as hard as they could to make it interesting, but when it was 24-13, all that raced through my mind was: How is Buffalo going to screw the pooch? Pick? Poor snap? NOPE! Even better a fumble on a kickoff that should of been knelled in the endzone!) I'm just thinking about how I can't wait for the NBA.

Oh the Cowboys? Don't drink the kool-aid yet. It's gonna be problems against the New York football Giants next week. BIG trouble. I have a feeling that Sunday night we will have dreams of Brandon Jacobs chasing us through a graveyard as he crushes human skulls under his feet.

So sit back, relax, put your seat into an upright position, put up your trey tables and be ready...oh and there's a podcast coming.


Monday, August 31, 2009

Rangers/Jays Game 1 Live Blog

7:05- Got back just in time to see Marco Scutaro single up the middle.

7:06- And there's an Aaron Hill double. And another misplayed ball in left field. Where are the Angels in the Outfield when you need em? 1-0 Jays.

7:10- As Holland works around trouble, I'd like to give a shout out to the guys at Inside Corner. It's a great blog for all DFW sports. Essentially if my blog becomes 1/8 as good as that, I'll be very satisfied.

7:14- Holland does not have his best stuff. Two walks and a three run shot from ROOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDDD BARAJAS. Sorry That's a fun name to say.

7:17- Great start guys! 5-0 after top half of the first.

7:21- Rangers play trackball (my roommates favorite game) as Kinsler and Hammy both attempt to go oppo and come out a few feet short. Young also smoked a ball...right at Hill. So a 1-2-3 inning but an optimist says we hit the ball hard at least. I'm not one of those people: this game is over!

7:22- That Time Warner commercial with the ref throwing penalty flags cracks me up every time.

7:26- Michael makes his 2nd error in his last 55 games. Translation: awful player.

Rangers/ Blue Jays Preview

Wait we're playing the Twins right? We play them 30 games in a row right? Wait? We don't? Phew. I was worried that the Rangers would be forced to play every one of their God forsaken games against the team that shall not be named. Seriously the Twins are very good at making Ranger fans feel pretty down in the dumps.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Twins 5, Rangers 3 Post Game

I decided to start up a new allsports all the time (basically) blog. I'll try to live blog the remaining Rangers games, preview series, and do wrap up posts. I'll also do the same for the 'Boys and Mavs, and maybe the Stars if I feel like watching hockey this year.

The name of my blog, incidentally, is an inside joke from everyone's favorite former MNF analyst Emmit Smith. Just listen for it:

So here's the actual recap. Comment on the format and if you'd like me to add/subtract anything